Dying Before Living

I am something.

What am I?

I don't have eyes to see,

Or ears to hear,

Or legs to walk,

Or hands to clap.

I can't really be seen.

No not yet.

But I am alive.

What am I?

I am something.

What am I?

I hear something.

How do I hear?

I have ears.

What is that noise?

I have a heartbeat.

Thump-thump

Thump-thump

What am I?

I am something.

What am I?

There is something in front of me.

They're long & lumpy

I think they're called "fingers".

How do I see these "fingers"?

I have eyes.

I can see.

What am I?

I am something.

What am I?

I can't see anymore.

What happened?

I feel something happening.

I'm forming?

What is it I am forming?

A body.

A body with legs,

And arms,

And fingers,

And bones.

What am I?

I am something.

What am I?

I grew larger.

I am bigger than when I started.

I have full fingers,

And legs,

And a heart, all of my own.

I can kick.

I can move.

What am I?

I am something.

What am I?

I feel tight.

I want to get out.

I see the light,

The opening to new life.

I feel it!

I am ready!

I am alive!

I am coming!

I am --

What is this?

It hurts!

It is metal,

And sharp,

And cold.

What's happening?

I cry out!

But I can't be heard!

What is this?

Who is this?

He grabs me by my soft shoulders,

He punctures my newly formed head.

It hurts!

Why is he doing this?

I can't see the light.

I can't move.

I can't--

~*~*~*~*

I was something.

No.

I was someone.

I had a life.

But it was gone.

Gone before I could even live it.

I was alive.

But I was killed.

Who was I?

Why did I have to go?

What did I do that was so wrong to kill me?

I was just a baby.

I was just a little child.

A child that was never born.

I could have been something.

I could have been someone.

I could have made a difference in the world.

I could have helped you out with your problems.

I could have lent an extra hand.

I could have been...

I could have been...

I could have been born

But instead I'm dead.

Now, I'll never live again.

I will never see the light of life.

I will never be welcomed to the arms of

A loving mother.

I will never make friends.

I will never be who I was supposed to be.

I will never be me.

I am sorry for ruining your life because of my selfish choice to live.

(I am Something, What am I?)

New Blog!!!

Began writing and developing a new blog on top of the one I already have. Check it out if you'd like!

(click on the image to bring directly to site)

as the other one is all about life in general and blogs are about whatever I can find and talk about, secrets to unravel basically, this is all about the heart. Matters of the heart.

Wishes, dreams, what makes us hurt about men/women.

I might think of extending this blog and write about what some men and women want in relationships. Anything dealing with the heart the most because I've figured that I am more better in writing about them the most. Though they are always repetitive just like life, it's always different lessons being learned.

So please check it out and don't be afraid to send me confessions that you can't seem to let go or let others know about. It'll always be considered "anonymous" unless given permission otherwise.

Thanks guys!

Pornography: Healthy or Not?

A very interesting subject of conversation took place at home not too long ago. If I may be completely personal in this post, it seemed to have sparked an interest of blogging about it. As my friends and I talk about the one thing that embarrasses many, I began to question:

Could pornography be healthy in some way or not?

For some, they would say that watching porn is never healthy, it is never alright, and it ruins relationships. Others, in the opposite side of the spectrum, would believe that it is alright to be able to watch and probably enjoy the scenes, to get some tips on how to pleasure their significant other, etc.

Both sides have very valuable points.

Personally, I do believe it is alright to some extent, meaning that there is a limit. Viewing porn is truly addicting whenever something about it catches our attentions, whether it be the size of an individuals private parts or the positions that they use. The brain sends signals down to the rest of the body which triggers sensual reactions towards what one sees. I believe that is perfectly normal. Porn is supposed to catch people's attention because it's not an everyday thing one would see out in public (depending on where one is in the world). Though porn would be mostly online and on television, it is also in books and if one loves to read, it can be addicting.  It is also the reason why Cinemax plays their adult programs in the late hours of the night and books are labeled "adult" and could be found in a different area of the book stores.

Though this may be very controversial, what makes pornography healthy is how it stimulates the brain and also ones' senses. Basically, it proves one isn't a robot. One could find humor in the way things are laid out when it comes to sex scenes of a movie, adult program, or a book. Sexually, it can give ideas to one's relationships to keep things interesting.

What could be unhealthy with the idea of pornography is the results of an unsatisfactory sexual relationship which would result in cheating or addiction to pornography, isolation, etc... Men or women could create this fantasy in their head that once it tries to take place in reality, it is not how they would want it and it creates somewhat of a tension. It can take time away from what really matters in a relationship or in life in general.

There is no doubt that many could come up with more things that are wrong and okay with the idea of pornography. I am not saying that it is absolutely alright to disregard everything else and get yourself addicted to it. I'm suggesting that if one chooses to view or read a pornographic movie or book, take caution and set a limit towards yourself.

This is all based on self control. It is healthy in some ways but not all the time.

Just don't take it too far.

Changing through Attraction

Why do girls use so much make-up to attract guys?
It was very interesting to have a guy ask me such a question. Why do we tend to wear more make up?
Actually , better question: Why do we change our image to be liked by the opposite (or same) sex?

Honestly, I had to step back and think about it. Though I am not one to really wear make-up to impress someone (or wear make-up in general), I do, however, like to dress up a little more and feel cute to be able to get their attention.

Maybe it's because we want to appeal to the obvious senses before really showing our personalities. It's like displaying the best candies before having them actually taste it (Okay...that sounds a bit wrong but hopefully you, readers, get my jiff).

But I go for personalities more than the physical stuff. Why can't they just be themselves?
Though that may be true, we still tend to look at the physical features before we really get into the personality of a person. It's just who we are. That's why it's called physical attraction. There's nothing wrong with that. It's pretty natural. Besides, it's not like we are immediately adored by just personalities alone. Even someone who chats with another individual online will fully admit that he/she is attracted due to something physically appealing before they could say that it was due to their personalities.

However, I wonder until what point do we tend to change our personalities when we tend to feel attracted to someone?

It's possible to have slightly altered or completely changed our personalities because we like someone. We begin to adapt to what they like or try to convince them to like what we find amusing and such. What happens when the significant target of interest doesn't feel the same way? For some, we still try. This is where I must say we either change or they do.

I've heard many say
"Let them chase you."
"Boys love Bitches" (excuse me for the language)
"Girls go for the Bad Boy types"
and so much more...

It's all just a confusing mess.

Is it possible to lose ourselves just to get a person? I believe so.

*sigh*

I believe it's suggestible to try to stay true to ourselves. Though we may truly like or love the other individual so much, let's not lose who we are in the process.
It's nice to be able to take better care of ourselves, but it's not when we begin to forget who we are.

Absolute Blankness

You're unsure of your next actions.

You feel lost.

At times you just have no idea if the feeling of uncertainty is caused by fear, confusion, insecurities...

You just feel...blank.

Respect! Give It To Me!

It seems like the word respect is lacking it's meaning in today's society.

When one thinks of respect, it's more of gaining respect from others than giving respect in return. Why is that?

Stress & Its Effect in Life.

"I am so stressed out!"

We've all said that many times. For some, that could be every day of our lives!

What do we usually stress out about?

Modern Slavery Today

There are so much going on in this world today, we tend to bypass the seriousness of each matter we face. At one point before writing this post, I wanted to rant so much about my just recent job. I was let go without a proper reason why. Before I go on, I would like to express that I will do my best not to be as bias as I am about the situation due to my recent circumstances. However, this has struck my mind for quite a while.

Slavery: (n.) the condition of a slave; bondage; the keeping of slaves as a practice or institution; a state of subjection like that of a slave; severe toil; drudgery. (dictionary.com)
Sadly, the vast majority of us are in slavery, whether it be based upon the necessity of a college degree, the expectation that one be in a lifelong relationship, need for financial resources (money), religious beliefs, social viewpoints, or whatever pointless reason.(urbandictionary.com)

In truth, I agree with the urban dictionary statement. It seems that we are in what is called a "modern slavery". Though we were taught that slavery has been demolished throughout history after many wars, it seems that history may repeat itself or was never resolved in the first place.

No, we're not bounded up in chains and beaten.
Or are we?

Making A Difference

Just like the character Katniss Everdeen, she had no idea that her volunteer started a revolution or a change in society.

Though this character is just fictional from the very famous series, The Hunger Games, it is something that we can all reflect upon. In today's reality, there are many people who are hungry, homeless, or even just short on luck. In some ways, they need help. We all do.

Working for a Living

It's hard to find balance with our work life and our social life. For some, it could be the easiest thing and for others, quite the opposite. I know for a fact that I struggle with this issue.

We all want to earn that money that will help us get the car, phone, or life that we want. But without noticing it, our life is all about work. Sometimes, it is a good thing and at other times it's the worst.

So how do we suggest to balance it out?

Learning from the Experienced (Generation Gaps)

A few nights ago, I had the wonderful opportunity to meet a few more interesting people in this world. They were friends of the family of my friend and I just so happened to be there when they were called over to eat dinner. Yay, food!

While stepping into a new environment, these people were a few generations older than I was. Their history involved what I learned at school and I was actually very amused with our greetings. I was very shocked to hear that these wonderful people knew the island on which I have spent my 15 years of childhood before moving to the States and the history behind it. Rarely do I have such a surprising encounter. Though I am shy at first, I was able to be myself while chowing down on their delicious food.

Appreciating Talents

There are so much talented people out there. Personally, I believe that everyone in the world is talented at something, whether we are aware of it or not.

The picture on the left was drawn by one of my very good friends. I've seen her other works and just loved it, wishing that I had her talents. Unfortunately, I do not.

Though I am not as talented as the other, I do, however, would like to call myself an Art Enthusiast.

If unaware, an Art Enthusiast is someone who appreciates art in all forms created (i.e. sketches, paintings, poetry, literature, music, etc..). But I wasn't always appreciative.

Like I have mentioned, I do wish I had amazing talents like many of the people I encounter in my lifetime. In all honesty, I would at times feel so discouraged because I wouldn't be able to draw what I imagine in my head. It is never right and it just feels so complicated. Call me envious; I wouldn't deny it. For a while, anything I tried to do, whether it be singing, dancing, drawing, I would always feel that there was someone else better than me so why try.

Broken Friendships

What causes friendships to break or drift apart?

There are many possibilities:
-Being too far apart
-No contact
-Lies
-Betrayal
-Comparisons
and so much more!

"I have Needs!"

We all have it.

There's no denying it.

Just accept it.

In some point in time, we all develop "needs" (needs as reference to sexual urges). Once we develop the needs, we usually cave into having sex or masturbation.
And sometimes it just cannot be helped. It is just natural for our bodies to crave the desire to be touched. We are human after all. I will honestly admit that I am not sexually active and am very much a proud virgin; however, I do know things thanks to environment and friends. In actuality, I, myself, have sexual urges yet I do not usually act upon it. It takes a great amount of will power to get the mind off of sex. With that said, though I lack the knowledge, I would like to give out possible pointers on trying to overcome these needs.

Dollar Discouragement

Often we hear that phrase Money makes the world go 'round.

And it does (not literally, of course)!

Everything comes with a dollar sign. We all know that.

School, books, cars, house, toys, phones, AIR!

Alright, maybe not air; however, with how life seems to be now, it wouldn't be surprising once air is being purchased in a little bottle container.

Speaking with a good yet very distraught friend, it has come to my attention that it is immensely difficult to achieve goals without money, like furthering their education. As time flies by, the prices for a higher education becomes too costly. For those who are in a financial struggle (including myself), they will find it or even consider it to be a hopeless goal to achieve. Usually, such negativity creates delay that the individual ends up taking years of work to be able to finish their school because of money issues.

Possible Different Types of Love

For some, there are different types of love when it comes to loving another being.

There is Love At First Sight.
Personally, I do not believe in such a thing; however, I do not disrespect it. For some, they say that love is when you look at a person for the first time and have that instant connection. Sort of like Romeo & Juliet, but hopefully with a happier ending.

Going Rouge

Cheating is probably the most hurtful thing anyone in a relationship fears to come across besides death of the significant other. It proves dishonesty and unfaithfulness. It alters one's views about love, trust, and other factors that could drastically change a person for the worse (or depending on how strong one is, for the better).

Before I go on, I will admit that I personally have not gone through a cheating phase of a relationship for I have never actually gotten into a relationship that is beyond friendship. However, I would like to go ahead and state my opinions about it, though I lack the experience.

As mentioned before, cheating is probably considered the second worse occurrence besides death of a love one. If searching online about cheating, there are many images and quotes that say that "relationships are not tests so why cheat?" Looking it that way, it is a very true statement/question.

Keep Calm & Move On

Pursuing our goals in life always require sacrifice. Usually those sacrifices are the social life we've established over the years, creating friendships with people whom we love dearly. But nothing always works out for the better. To be able to achieve what it is we want, we need to let go and move on of what is holding us back.

RISK it or REGRET it

Risks is always something scary to think about. It's the exact same meaning as saying, "take the chance."

As easy it is to be said than done, doing the risk is what makes us grow as a person. Think about it, if we stayed in our bubble of comfort, we miss out on the various possibilities of life. We miss out on the memories that could have been made, the love we could have felt, the lessons we could have learned, and the experiences we could have shared with others.

Come to think of it, we have always take risks, even as a child. If we never tried to crawl, we'd never learn how to walk, run, jump, etc.

Our lives are all about taking chances, taking that leap of faith!

Goodbye 2014! Hello 2015

What a roller coaster ride 2014 turned out to be! So much life changing experiences, big or small, that has come into our lives.

I've met new people, lost old ones, gained more memories, and sometimes wish I didn't. Ha! So much drama has happened, I actually lost count! Although it has happened, I can't say that I regret it, no matter how much it has hurt me. It has shaped me into the person that I am today.

What can I say? Life was so complicated. But that doesn't mean that 2015 will be the same or different. It's how we make it to be.

So goodbye 2014!
Thank you for all the memories created. It's been one hectic ride!

2015? Let's make it a good year!
It's time to shed off what was left of last year and start fresh and new though it may not feel like it. We've all heard it before: "New Year, New Me!"

How about: "New Year, New Chapter"?

We change every single day of every single hour. We learn and experience a lot without even noticing it. So instead of creating a new "me", let's create a new chapter in our book of memories.

Happy New Year, everyone!