Isolation is usually one of the deadliest feelings in most teenagers (and in some cases, adults as well). Even when we are just hanging out with friends or family – in or out of school, at the park, in the mall, or in other public places – there is always that feeling deep down inside that is saying, “I am so alone.”
Ever felt isolated, even once? If not, here is what it feels like. It SUCKS!
Why? Three reasons:
(1) People
(2) Depression
(3) Insecurities
Reason #1: PEOPLE
Why? Imagine being in a brand new school filled with unknown kids in the same age range or higher, started eating lunch in one of the cubicles in the bathroom, and the only friend present is the administration people, teachers, or textbooks. Pathetic, I know...
As days go by, one meets other people and become friends, seeming to as if they know each other a lot. One could say that they feel really confident; until suddenly, isolation creeps in like a bug from a crack on the wall when a friend constantly calls them “weird” or “annoying.”
I think we've all been through that. I know for sure I have gone through hard times feeling isolated, especially in high school.
Ever felt isolated, even once? If not, here is what it feels like. It SUCKS!
Why? Three reasons:
(1) People
(2) Depression
(3) Insecurities
Reason #1: PEOPLE
Why? Imagine being in a brand new school filled with unknown kids in the same age range or higher, started eating lunch in one of the cubicles in the bathroom, and the only friend present is the administration people, teachers, or textbooks. Pathetic, I know...
As days go by, one meets other people and become friends, seeming to as if they know each other a lot. One could say that they feel really confident; until suddenly, isolation creeps in like a bug from a crack on the wall when a friend constantly calls them “weird” or “annoying.”
I think we've all been through that. I know for sure I have gone through hard times feeling isolated, especially in high school.
It’s hard to consider being yourself when even your friends are saying things that puts your self-esteem down, even when it is unintentional. I sat in the cafeteria, listening to the various conversations. I had an idea that could be shared with the group but failed to release the information due to feeling insecure. It felt like someone had put my voice on mute. They broke jokes that were too uncomfortable for me, I fell silent ever since.
That was my mistake. I chose to become isolated because I never spoke up. And when I finally did, it was a bit too late. After separating schools for college and being one of the few who moved out of state, I lost a few friends for finally speaking. So when it hurts, just say it.
People can make us uncomfortable or even feel unwanted in our own groups. Sometimes, we just need to be able to speak up and if they’re really friends or understanding people as some states they are, then the feelings of others, especially yourself, should be taken to consideration and things would be worked out.
Reason #2: DEPRESSION
Now I definitely am certain we ALL have gone through depression. The depth and length of it is what I am uncertain of. It all differs.
Depression is one of the most common causes of isolation. Through isolation and depression combined, it usually leads to death or a very close call. From my observations, it usually starts with the questions:
“Why am I like this?”
“Why am I so different?”
“Why won’t anyone understand?”
Etc…
Through my experiences, I would always try to find answers for those questions. Then I figured that it was three things in my case: (1) homesickness, the uncertainty of what is happening back home and feeling alone in a strange new world, (2) feeling lost about everything, especially my faith, and (3) not having the independent experience everyone else had.
Being mostly in a mixed-religion family, the traditional ways were rather difficult when living in a very different cultured environment than our own. The feeling of freedom was seldom for most people like me if coming from a very strict family.
Depression in this case (more or less my case actually) carried me to the stage in life that I wasn’t able to get out of my comfort zone or out of this transparent bubble I took a custom to for more than 17 years. And just like any teenager, I blamed my parents for the time being.
However, now it is different (somewhat). I don’t blame others for my depression. Although it may seem like it should (if one knows my past), it is not the best way to deal with it. I was used to the bubble I have mentioned just a little while ago. I relied on my parents for everything. I was a weakling or most likely to be what my parents wanted to be proud of. Again, I was weak to speak.
Reason #3: INSECURITIES
Well, I pretty much included insecurities in the first two reasons but I think it’s best to expand it a little more. Shall we?
As we all know, everyone has their own form of insecurity which prevents us from really expanding our horizons. This was my major reason for isolation. Around the age of 12 or 13 (practically in the seventh grade), insecurities came in so quickly it was my second identity in some ways. A former friend, who I grew up with in the same school, always made me feel inferior, taunting me about my size. Horizontal not vertical. It always came with the hand gestures for more emphasis. It started from there. I always got insecure with hanging with friends when it came to shopping or doing anything girly. I knew that I would feel like an oversize luggage that people brought along to feel better about themselves. That was my intake on everything because of my weight. Another incident was when I was always asked to sing.
Now in some cases, I love to sing my heart out even if I don’t get the notes correct; however, to be asked constantly to sing in front of an audience I am not well acquainted with, I just couldn’t. I freeze up and lose my voice. Even worse, I began to slouch.
Slouching was my indication of feeling low about myself. Every time I would feel shy, I would become the hunchback of Notre Dame! From being ridiculed for my size and pressured into something I had no compassion of performing in front of an audience, I isolated myself from everyone. All this lead to being introverted completely. Don’t be fooled, I love hanging with friends; however, the fear of being teased and pressured rested in my mind for many years.
It sounds idiotic, right?
Probably after reading this, one would question: “Where are you going with all this?”
Even though all my points had some ridiculous example of why I would isolate myself, I always admit that it was my fault. That’s usually the first step in getting over isolation. Accept that it was partially our own faults that cause us to step away from people and being very closed minded.
We isolate ourselves because of what others have done to us. We build comfort in the darkness knowing that no one else can hurt us if we just stay away. But it’s not like that.
Being isolated would be like being in a shadow, never really tasting what light is like. We would blame others for our insecurities instead of blaming ourselves for not conquering them. We shun people out in fear of getting hurt or bothered. When doing that, we forget to realize the truth behind everything. We forget that we have a voice and a choice. We forget that it is ourselves alone that can put us down.
No matter where we are or who we’re with, the feeling of isolation would still be around, waiting for that moment to strike. But it’s our decision.
Let it in?
Or keep it out?
That was my mistake. I chose to become isolated because I never spoke up. And when I finally did, it was a bit too late. After separating schools for college and being one of the few who moved out of state, I lost a few friends for finally speaking. So when it hurts, just say it.
People can make us uncomfortable or even feel unwanted in our own groups. Sometimes, we just need to be able to speak up and if they’re really friends or understanding people as some states they are, then the feelings of others, especially yourself, should be taken to consideration and things would be worked out.
Reason #2: DEPRESSION
Now I definitely am certain we ALL have gone through depression. The depth and length of it is what I am uncertain of. It all differs.
Depression is one of the most common causes of isolation. Through isolation and depression combined, it usually leads to death or a very close call. From my observations, it usually starts with the questions:
“Why am I like this?”
“Why am I so different?”
“Why won’t anyone understand?”
Etc…
Through my experiences, I would always try to find answers for those questions. Then I figured that it was three things in my case: (1) homesickness, the uncertainty of what is happening back home and feeling alone in a strange new world, (2) feeling lost about everything, especially my faith, and (3) not having the independent experience everyone else had.
Being mostly in a mixed-religion family, the traditional ways were rather difficult when living in a very different cultured environment than our own. The feeling of freedom was seldom for most people like me if coming from a very strict family.
Depression in this case (more or less my case actually) carried me to the stage in life that I wasn’t able to get out of my comfort zone or out of this transparent bubble I took a custom to for more than 17 years. And just like any teenager, I blamed my parents for the time being.
However, now it is different (somewhat). I don’t blame others for my depression. Although it may seem like it should (if one knows my past), it is not the best way to deal with it. I was used to the bubble I have mentioned just a little while ago. I relied on my parents for everything. I was a weakling or most likely to be what my parents wanted to be proud of. Again, I was weak to speak.
Reason #3: INSECURITIES
Well, I pretty much included insecurities in the first two reasons but I think it’s best to expand it a little more. Shall we?
As we all know, everyone has their own form of insecurity which prevents us from really expanding our horizons. This was my major reason for isolation. Around the age of 12 or 13 (practically in the seventh grade), insecurities came in so quickly it was my second identity in some ways. A former friend, who I grew up with in the same school, always made me feel inferior, taunting me about my size. Horizontal not vertical. It always came with the hand gestures for more emphasis. It started from there. I always got insecure with hanging with friends when it came to shopping or doing anything girly. I knew that I would feel like an oversize luggage that people brought along to feel better about themselves. That was my intake on everything because of my weight. Another incident was when I was always asked to sing.
Now in some cases, I love to sing my heart out even if I don’t get the notes correct; however, to be asked constantly to sing in front of an audience I am not well acquainted with, I just couldn’t. I freeze up and lose my voice. Even worse, I began to slouch.
Slouching was my indication of feeling low about myself. Every time I would feel shy, I would become the hunchback of Notre Dame! From being ridiculed for my size and pressured into something I had no compassion of performing in front of an audience, I isolated myself from everyone. All this lead to being introverted completely. Don’t be fooled, I love hanging with friends; however, the fear of being teased and pressured rested in my mind for many years.
It sounds idiotic, right?
Probably after reading this, one would question: “Where are you going with all this?”
Even though all my points had some ridiculous example of why I would isolate myself, I always admit that it was my fault. That’s usually the first step in getting over isolation. Accept that it was partially our own faults that cause us to step away from people and being very closed minded.
We isolate ourselves because of what others have done to us. We build comfort in the darkness knowing that no one else can hurt us if we just stay away. But it’s not like that.
Being isolated would be like being in a shadow, never really tasting what light is like. We would blame others for our insecurities instead of blaming ourselves for not conquering them. We shun people out in fear of getting hurt or bothered. When doing that, we forget to realize the truth behind everything. We forget that we have a voice and a choice. We forget that it is ourselves alone that can put us down.
No matter where we are or who we’re with, the feeling of isolation would still be around, waiting for that moment to strike. But it’s our decision.
Let it in?
Or keep it out?
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